Oh, Valentine's Day.
Singles hate it, and couples tolerate it - bemoaning the expense in private whilst staring at their ever increasing student loans and wondering why they paid Hallmark six bucks for this vomit worthy gem:
Okay, Pugs are adorable, but still, there is a reason people run with the nickname V-Day.
Valentine's Day is a bit like having lunch with Aunt Judy. You don't like her, but it's important to keep the peace in the family so you pay for the old bats dinner, have a chat with her for a couple of hours and consequently save yourself a fuck-tonne of drama in the future - like when that ONE ASSHOLE walks up to your girlfriend and asks: "So, what did she get you for Valentine's day, huh?"
I know there will be many of you out there suffering with the strain of this holiday, so I've thrown together a quick last minute guide for those of you still struggling a mere four days before the big event:
1. Rush order a big gay HER V-Day card
The girls from the HER App team have pulled together some pretty fantastic cards this year, and if you get your ass in today then it might just make it on time.
My personal favourite is this:
Simply follow up on the card and you can't go wrong!
2. Cook Dinner
Are you a disaster in the kitchen? Does your partner do all of the cooking? Is your idea of a romantic dinner left over lasagna from 3 days ago, heated up in the microwave?
"The longer you leave it, the better it tastes" will only get you so far, especially if she's the one who made it in the first place.
So, if you usually suck in the kitchen, call your Mum, take the time and cook something. Even if you almost burn the house down, it's the thought that counts at the end of the day...right?
3. Go out for the day
V-Day falls on a Sunday this year. As tempting as it is to opt for some Netflix and chill to go with your hangover - throw your coats on and take her out for the day.
This doesn't have to cost shit. Go for a walk, check out a local gallery, or a new cafe in a different part of the city.
Do some of those things you always intend to do on the weekend that somehow get lost among 10-hour binge watching marathons and pizza eating competitions.
4. Get Naked
Let's be real. By February, shit is getting old real fast. All the glow from your holiday is gone, work is back to the same old, it's still cold (I'm not talking to you Australasia), winter is dragging on, and all you want to do is hide under the covers until spring.
This usually doesn't translate well to the bedroom department.
So rather than bother with anything on Sunday, why not simply invest the entire day in your sex life.
The exercise will release endorphin's that are guaranteed to make you feel better and fight off those winter blues. Not to mention it's mutually beneficial.
5. Grab a $20 tee from us and hand her the receipt
Look, we can't all be perfect.
This coming weekend here at the Academy all homo-graphic tees are on sale for $20.
Get one while they're on sale, and follow up with #4 for a more than adequate apology.
Happy V-Day everyone!